Exciting News! Thanks to recent research at Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government and MIT’s Center for Applied Genetic Research, we’re now able to trace the journey of a thought through the mind of a government bureaucrat.
We plan on solving most of the world’s problems by following thoughts as they are processed through the minds of the great thinkers of our times. From this process, we hope to learn the higher wisdom that is only apparent to the truly gifted academics and public servants.
There are, of course, a whole host of issues that we, as members of the great unwashed, fund incomprehensible. For instance, American taxpayers pay billions of dollars to the US government, so it can in turn give billions of dollars to international organizations like the IMF and the World Bank. These international organizations then, in turn, give billions in “foreign aid” to the corrupt leaders of, for instance, the Russian “government”, who immediately send the money to off-shore bank accounts. Sure, it’s easy enough to follow the money trail, but, in our stupendous ignorance, we keep wondering exactly why American taxpayers continue to be willing to “aid” Russian mobsters living the luxe life in Monte Carlo. But Mother Outrage always told us to stick to sports, and leave the thinking to the big people.
If you’ve ever taken the elevator into the depths of a coal mine, you have some feel for the experience of exploring a bureaucrat’s cranium. Initial research on a number of leading bureaucrats has found vast spaces of emptiness, with small bright candles of envy and malice burning in the dusty nooks. Sometimes the chamber goes completely dark, and the probes are left to wonder aimlessly and send back “All is darkness, all is darkness!” messages.
But enough generalities; good research is more fact than theory, so we’ve decided to start our explorations with a simple journey. In today’s case we seek to determine what’s going on in the dark mental halls of the Boston Housing Authority and the Boston City Council. Since the probes were developed in Boston, and we have a very limited probe travel allowance, we thought it made sense to start with a local case.
In May, a tenant of Boston’s subsidized housing, Rachel Marshall, assaulted another tenant, Teresa Cortes. Marshall pushed Cortes up against a wall, injuring her hand, and also allegedly called her some nasty names having to do with the fact that Cortes is Hispanic. (Marshall is white.)
America being America, and Boston being Boston, Marshall was given endless opportunities to be nice and make up. But she didn’t show up for at least one court appearance, and was unwilling to sign a letter affirming her responsibilities as a tenant. After much ado, she was finally evicted. We’re not going to send the probe into Marshall’s brain; remember that the probes were developed, at great expense, to explore the brains of the best and the brightest.
A tenant eviction from subsidized housing is hardly news yet, for some reason, this particular eviction attracted the attention of the famed Boston City Council. (Which, incidentally, Lenin reportedly used as a model for the Politburo.) Marshall appealed to City Council President James Kelly for help, and this is the stage at which the brain probe becomes useful.
Before we get to send the probe inside Kelly’s head, we thought we might inquire as to why federal, state and city governments feel it is necessary to take money from productive people in order to house women who give birth, repeatedly, to illegitimate children. We thought that if you wished to discourage an action, you punished, rather than rewarded, that action. But we didn’t go to Harvard.
Marshall had two illegitimate children. (Where’s the father? Who knows? Who cares? Fathers are so passé.) Earlier this year Marshall’s second child, a baby, was shaken to death. Supposedly the killer was Marshall’s live-in boyfriend. (Was he punished? Who knows? Who cares? Punishment is so passé.) And this is the point at which we launch the brain probe into the head of Boston City Council President James Kelly.
The probe has a patented “reasoning agent” that follows thoughts through the political mind. As the probe enters Kelly’s mind we find a vague morass of sentiment, envy, and vanity. His databanks are filled with unconnected, contradictory thoughts about “doing good”, “buying new car for wife”, “renting apartment for mistress”, “public trust”, “pastrami for lunch today?”, “improving public schools”, “finding good private school for son”, etc. Thanks to the miracles of modern technology, the brain probe can follow the exact sequence of thought within any given “thought module”. Here goes:
- Marshall was so criminally irresponsible as to have two illegitimate children which she can’t support, and to allow one of the children to die at the hands of her boyfriend.
Therefore: Marshall is a good person, deserving of sympathy.
- Marshall assaulted another tenant in public housing project.
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Therefore: City should pay for an expensive lawyer to defend Marshall, and prevent her eviction.
However, the high-profile attorney failed to prevent Marshall’s eviction. Now we go someplace even murkier – into the minds of the people running the Boston Housing Authority:
- Marshall was given housing at public expense. Marshall assaulted fellow tenant. Marshall did not cooperate in keeping her housing despite many opportunities. Marshall was finally evicted from public housing, and:
THEREFORE: (and even the brain probe was stunned by this one) Marshall should spend a few nights, at taxpayer expense, in one of the city’s most expensive hotels – the four star Eliot Hotel.
At this point the brain probe began sparking and self-destructing, as it sought the logic of putting Marshall up, at a cost of $1,350 for 3 nights, and then $350 for 2 nights at Holiday Inn. ($175 a night for a Holiday Inn? Please.) Not to mention the $50 a day food allowance. Of course, there
was a logic, but it was the special kind of logic found only in government.
We didn’t need the brain probe for a dazzling explanation; we’ve got Robin Bavaro, Mayor Thomas Menino’s press secretary. “She’s been penalized for her actions by being evicted. But the mayor doesn’t want to see her left on the street.” Of course, this statement was a job for the brain probe:
- Fact: The city has decided, through it’s long legal process, that Marshall is not worthy of the city’s basic charity, in the form of subsidized housing.
Therefore: She should be put up at a four-star hotel.
Even James Kelly, Marshall’s champion, could not quite understand the twisted logic of the case: “There is something wrong with the mentality of the Boston Housing Authority, that several hours after they evict her from her apartment, which probably costs much less than the per diem charges at the Eliot, they put her up there Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evening” said Kelly.
However, we think Boston is on to a brilliant strategy. In the future, if someone is convicted of stealing a Chevrolet, the state should give
them a Ferrari. Child molesters should be given well-paid jobs as elementary school teachers. Kafka would be proud.
Who knows how far we can take this entertaining policy. Perhaps one day we’ll make a draft dodger Commander-in-Chief – or pay farmers to grow
nothing at all – or subsidize legal education to produce even more parasites – or tax people so much that they can’t save for retirement, and call it “social security” – or invade countries we can’t pronounce and call it “defense” – whatever great ideas are on the horizon, rest assured that, with the help of the brain probe, The Outrage will be here as your trusty guide to the better, higher reasoning of the ruling class.
Thank you, Outrage! You are right on target. I appreciate your ability to expose such outrages to those of us who have to work for a living. I hope you didn’t get any of the bleeding heart blood on you.
This is just another screwed up way the government spends
You could send the brain probe into the mind of a Kansas politican, it might never return. The the last election for Governor of the State of Kansas, Bill Graves said he was not going to raise taxes so he could get elected. Then he raised highway taxes through the roof. On top of that outrage, he had promised not raise, but decrease vehicle taxes so taxpayers could be paying less for car tags in each year. Not only did that NOT happen, but he raised taxes to pay for highway improvements. I guess since the law limits him to how many times he can run for office he does not care. Go figure?
Who should be surprised at the latest example of illogic from Boston. After all, they keep electing that glittering jewel of putrescence, Ted Kennedy, don’t they?
Outraged, yes – surprised, no.
You could send the brain probe into the mind of 1st Lady Hillary Clinton, it might explode? Find out if she really intends to run for the state senate in New York state. After that see if the brain probe can find out what she intends to do with all that money she is getting for her senate rub that she has never yet comitted to. The DNC thinks she will give it to them, would you like to make book on that?
You could try to send the brain probe into the mind of President William Jefferson Clinton, it might refuse to go in there (or be vaporized it it made the attempt). Ask it to find out how many times President Clinton comitted treason by giving the Red Chinese top secret defense information, or making it possible for steal it. If it survives THAT question, then ask it to find out how much President Clinton knew, and when he knew it about all the nucelar technology the Red Chinese stole (for perhaps had already paid for) from our nucelar labs.
Place the genius responsible for the placement at the expensive hotel of the baby killer mom into jail for 72 hours.The bureaucrat might accidentally think about the stupidity of such a decision.
Place the genius responsible for the placement at the expensive hotel of the baby killer mom into jail for 72 hours.The bureaucrat might accidentally think about the stupidity of such a decision.
This is scary . . . You think like me! I was wondering if maybe we could cover things like why homeschooling mothers have to continue to subsidise public school teacher’s. Our kids are homeschooled because they are not being taught in the first place.The next Idea (which has probably already been covered) is using the probe on the politicians that ok’d the existence of the IRS agains the laws of the U.S. Constitution.
I am deeply disappointed in the members of Congress who have allowed our canal in Panama to be turned over the the Chinese Communists and paid them several million to take it. It is an outrage tht this happened. Most of them should be voted out at the next election along with all of those who are selling our country out for the new world order.
Amazing, but since I have experience dealing with the housing authority I can’t say that such reasoning is a surprise. I was threatened with eviction from my subsidized apartment becasue I installed a push-button lock on my bedroom door. Kinda didn’t want any of the local creepy thugs entering the room while I slept. Never mind that I was a perfect tenant, never made noise, paid on time, kept the place spotless. Conform or be cast out. BTW, just to keep anyone from jumping to conclusions – I needed the housing subsidy after leaving an abusive husband and my child was not “illegitimate”.
There is one tiny question. Everyone knows these matters and there really is only one answer to resolve these matters (voting doesn’t work because the courts simply overturn what teh states can’t sabotage or ignore), Antone care to say what that solution is.
The writer of todays Outrage sure did a good job of
describing enough of our wonderful government’s actions
to raise my blood pressure by at least 20 points! I see
this sort of thing every day in Arkansas, home of King
Clinton and his ‘Good ol boys’ (and girls) group that are
running and ruining our once proud and free nation, and I
mostly want to throw-up. Our Justice system is in
shambles, there is no Foreign Policy, our Armed Forces
are understaffed and our armaments are inadequate, and
we lose freedoms weekly, but with corruption everywhere,
we are assurred the “the economy stupid” is goood and
expected to last forever, so everything is fine. Yeah,
Right!
You keep on doing the excellent job you are doing, I will
have a place to ‘sound off’ on, and at least, when ‘they’
come for my guns, or to take my house, I won’t feel
entirely alone.
Thanks for listening.
great job,guys.keep up the good work.
What can a politician possibly be thinking when they allow/force children to be with their pedophile and extremely abusive fathers? These ‘fathers’ are being given custody and unsupervised visitation to innocent and helpless children. The big so called ‘fathers rights movement’ in the U.S. is backed by Richard Gardner, Warren Farrel.. among others..that advocate sex with children. Admitted pedophiles are let loose back into homes, back in our streets and communities at an alarming rate. Lawyers, psychologists,psychiatrists, (and other assorted ‘court whores’), judges, are making a fortune at the expense, destruction of children who have no rights!
Brain probe, please venture into the minds of our Gov’t and find out why they will give billions away in foreign aid for FREE and then turn around and give their own Farmers who were met by a devastating drought this year LOW INTEREST LOANS!!
Perhaps a study of the San Diego county Dept. Of Child Welfare and the morons who keep a mentaly unstable child in a dis-functional family run by a alcoholic mother who has never been married and produced 3 other offspring by different fathers. All are being supported by taxpayer dollars with no responsibility whatsoever.
You ask “Have you ever wondered what
a politician could possibly be thinking?”
Why do you automatically assume that what politicians do is called “thinking”? Please supply proof.
For your next project, probe the brains of the political jackasses proselytizing tax increases upon and educational discrimination against responsible parents raising academically motivated children in order to reward the anti-social spawn of welfare scum with a voucher OUT of the failure that is American education today.
In Europe, farmers ARE actually paid for growing nothing, or, to be exact, for destroying what they grew.
I thought that communists were all about breaking down social barriers, not about building new ones. I guess these communists must be special…
Do we really think by giving one person (who happens to be a member of a minority) so much more opportunity than another person (who isn’t) that somehow those more deserving will suceed in society?
gotts love that government…ppl, why are we letting these mrons run our country??
Government is so far off. To reward a woman with such shameful behavior, while at the same time families of Servicemen live in near poverity. A man who should be rewarded, because he will give his life for this country can hardly afford to house and feed his family. How can we call ourselves Americans and let this happen. I want to put my money where it will do some good for our country, on men that have pledged to support and protect our freedom.
I’m pro America and pro family and sick of the lazy scum who live off the hard working majority, with there constent hard luck stories. Don’t tell me they didn’t cause a good deal of there own troubles. Even a Mother gets tired of hearing the same hard luck stories.
Here’s one for the probe.
Analyze why the government and the media want to disarm law abiding Americans. Though the crime rates are down and there is mounting evidence that gun control increases crime (e.g. – Lott Report, failure of Australian and Britains gun control efforts, etc).
The bigest bolck of voters are being over looked by the elected or canadates for public office. Not one has even wispered about them.
Every voter lives on land. And no land rights canadates. How come?
Bill Munro http://www.landrights.com
Now this is truly frightening. Politicians think.
About your comment about all these women who keep having illegitimate — I hope you are not espousing abortion! Rather than abortion as a solution to the “problem” of having children (a direct result of, oh gee, isn’t this amazing: SEX), we need to return to a moral attitudes towards sex, instead of immoral attitudes toward “free” sex. Fathers should feel morally obligated to help care for children they help create, and if they do not, we need to recognize them for the scumbags they are. I know that this will require some sacrifice — either of time and finances or by controlling passionate, irresponsible, animalistic behavior. Making love can be a beautiful thing, but only when the word love figures predominately in that phrase. Otherwise, it is just making “it”, which is a clear dehumanizing of the act of sex. I urge all of you, men and women alike, to take a moral stand on sex and refrain from sleeping with someone just because it’s easy and it feels good.
I HATE our judicial system!! It STINKS! There is no justice in our society except for the CRIMINALS! They have RIGHTS, but the average citizen (or victims) DO NOT!! What is this country coming to!! I vote for the ‘old-time’ vigilante!!! An eye for an eye, etc.!!
For most of my life, I’ve had the horrible feeling that the world is suffering under the ELEVENTH PLAGUE. The other Ten Plagues were nothing by comparison- frogs, boils, lice, etc….so what? In a mattr of days, it was all over with!
However, the Eleventh Plague is a plague of idiots which is permanent.
Your website proves I’m right! The only thing is, you break the plague down into TYPES of idiots and the Organizations they infest.
Good job!
If you don’t like what they’re doing…..VOTE ’em out of office. VOTE in community leaders who think as you do and hold them accountable. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Get off your lazy ass and do it, quit complaining and doing nothing.
You know, after I wrote that nice piece a little while ago, and I started thinking.
I knew that they were not “FOR” abortion, as that would be wrong. But I changed my mind, instead of not aborting the child, lets just abort the problem with a bullet to the head.
Use your brain probe to find why ILLEGAL aliens, scofflaws who are referred to as “undocumented Immigrants”, have the same rights as citizens.
I would just like to point out that the comment by me dated 12/15 was not actually written by me, but by someone using my name and address.
I understand your outrage, but I’ve got a personal outrage that you should look into. The brain probe is going to love this one!
We borrow money to run our country that we must pay back at face value plus interest. Thanks to this economic system, we
currently (supposedly) owe in the trillions. But I can’t seem to get enough people to start asking why it is that we should owe for
living. To me that is not independence and it is not good for our country. But to most that is a normal characteristic of freedom.
Could you please send your brain probe to work on this. Or perhaps it might be better and more efficient (which is the buzzword of a debtor economy) to
run your brain probe on me, because obviously my logic is very different than the average American’s. Thus, I must be totally wrong. Right?
http://www.independence.org
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