Even here at The Outrage we sometimes grow tired of ceaselessly shining a spotlight on the greed, stupidity and foolishness of public officials.
So this weekend we decided to spend a little time indulging in the opiate of the American masses — in other words, watching sports on TV.
Looking for some good, clean, manly fun, we were delighted to come across a boxing match — surely we thought, some honest and honorable pugilism will give us some much-needed relief from the unstructured murder and mayhem that we normally seek out for this column. After all, in boxing matches the contestants are supposed to be trying to kill each other.
We admit that we don’t really follow this sport too avidly, and we kinda lost interest when the champ was sent up the river for rape — not our idea of the best and the brightest. But hey, everyone deserves a second chance, right?
We tuned in a little late, just in time to see Mike Tyson, one of America’s wealthiest men, biting the ear of his opponent, Evander Holyfield. And then he spit the ear onto the mat. Hmmm. Then, 15 seconds later, Tyson went for another nibble. Not exactly tactics in strict adherence with the code of the warrior.
We turned off the telly at that point and decided to search for some ice dancing. But we didn’t realize that we had not taken in the full drama of a modern evening of championship boxing.
The highlight of the evening was, of course, the great bite. But the prologue was a bathroom melee between the opposing boxers’ fans. After the fight was stopped, Tyson led a charge towards his opponents corner and struck a cop in the process.
With role models like Tyson, what could the adoring fans possibly do but follow his example and engage in one of the worst brawls that boxing may have ever known? Only after police had surrounded the hotel and drawn their weapons was the ring-side brawling ended.
Let’s see: Clinton as President, Madonna as lead singer, Vanna White as cultural icon, and Tyson as the contender. Is this just a nightmare or am I really awake?
READ MORE ABOUT IT
Read more about today’s Outrage in the Washington Post story.