“By: T. Edward Nickens Whether you know it or not, your wife is keeping score in your relationship. Here's how to improve your performance. At this very moment, I ride a towering wave of relationship points. I pen this while on a plane to the Caribbean, a surprise present to my wife, Julie, and the kids. Seven days in coconut heaven. If ever a man deserved to be smug, I'm the guy. But I'm also in peril, says I. Glebe, author of Points: Women Have Them, Men Need Them. According to Glebe, my points account is fat with "bought points," which are uninsured assets that expire after a few days. Apparently, the gains I enjoyed have long been realized. In fact, the Royal Bank of Julie may be close to assessing a maintenance fee for low assets. Clearly, a system would help. That's where Points comes in. "Say points and every man in America knows what you're talking about," explains Glebe, the pen name of Ritch Gaiti, a retired Merrill Lynch vice president. "This code has always existed under the radar, guy to guy. I didn't invent points. I just codified a system." Think of your points account, says Glebe, "as a tub you're trying to fill with water. But at any time, without warning or even good reason, she can pull the plug and drain it dry." Here's how to keep the account full. As far as how to spend the interest (a fishing trip? a pub night with the boys? a few hours of tangled limbs?)…it's your money. Considerate Points "These are your everyday, automatic, do-it-without-thinking-about-it-because-you-are-a-good-and-thoughtful-guy-and/or-husband points," writes Glebe. You earn them for doling out simple acts of affection such as opening doors, walking streetside, or offering to carry her bags. "They expire at the end of the day," says Glebe, "but they affect your day-to-day existence. You need to have a base of considerate points in order for any future points to have credibility." Bought Points Buy her flowers, jewelry, or plane tickets to the Caribbean and you accrue these points. Glebe calls them the "carbohydrates of points." They carry a bigger bang than considerate points, but they last only a few days. Bought points can be used offensively, to raise your balance from "a coupla points" to "a pretty good stash," or they can be used defensively, to get you out of the hole. Endearment Points You earn these points for visible demonstrations of spontaneous and involuntary sentiment such as holding hands while walking down the street or calling her by an affectionate nickname (e.g., "sweetie," "hon," or "babe"). "These are the tiny, almost imperceptible molecules of warm behavior," writes Glebe, and they are all the more valued for their nuance. "They should appear as if they are under the radar, but actually, they are intended to be uncovered and exposed." ”
