Like any male who’s played it fast and loose with the safe-sex rules, I’d had my fair share of scares. I was on season four of the show whereby tear-filled woman X shows up two weeks after the shag saying she had “missed her period” (sort of in the same way I’d say I “missed my bus”). Nothing had ever come of it, and after the third showing you just wanted to say, “Look, woman, unless you’ve got a screaming infant in your arms and it looks like me, we have nothing to talk about.” Garcia Martinez, Antonio. Chaos Monkeys (p. 58). Harper Paperbacks. Kindle Edition.


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