$23 million – A Breathless Payday.
Debbie Lovett just made $23 million from taking some diet pills. She’s still fat, but now she’s smiling. If you thought you had to suffer serious injury to scam the big money, think again. Lovett claims that, as a result of taking the diet drugs, she suffers “fatigue and shortness of breath”.
Of course, that could just be because she’s obese.
The award includes $20 million in punitive damages, supposedly because the big bad drug companies wouldn’t get the message unless it was delivered with a sledgehammer. They’ll probably get the message – 3,100 other get-thin-without-effort dieters have already filed suit against the drug-maker, American Home Products.
Not About Money At All
While one division of lawyers is suing the drug companies, another is moving in on gun manufacturers. Philip Anderson, President of the American Bar
Association, is publicly comparing the spate of gun litigation to efforts to end segregation in the 1960s. And to think we thought it was just about
lawyers seeking huge fees.
Biting The Hand That Feeds
As usual, Jesse Jackson is angry. He thinks the big bad corporations (see above) should have more minorities on their boards. We’re not sure whether that’s because it would make them less big or less bad. Either way, Jackson recently castigated some corporations by name: “Microsoft, zero. Boeing, zero.” The zero figure was in reference to the number of board members sporting politically correct skin colors.
Who paid for all this corporate bashing? Why the big, bad corporations themselves of course. In fact, the exact same companies castigated with the
“zero” figure, including Microsoft and Boeing, contributed hundreds of thousands of dollars to support the Rainbow/Push coalition conference, scene
of the corporate roast. We think the next logical step would be for American Home Products to make some charitable contributions to support the
Association of Trial Lawyers of America.
Spending It Wisely
The DC Government paid over $1 million for almost 3,000 police, including mounted park police and a squad of snipers, to stand guard over a Nazi rally. Only 4 Nazi’s showed up. The DC police have never been known for their competence, but at a ratio of 750 to 1, we think even they could handle the impotent protesters. Obviously, all the white supremacists were busy attending corporate board meetings that day.
DC police Chief Charles Ramsey was furious that more protesters didn’t show: “I think these protesters ought to be sued for costing the taxpayers
and the city thousands of dollars,” Ramsey told reporters. Yeah – they could sue for punitive damages because a large group of men failed to do their
duty of spreading hatred and supplying overtime pay to the DC police force.
Of course this is nothing new. In 1990, DC supplied 3,000 cops to protect 27 KKK members during a march. You can’t find a cop in DC if you’re getting murdered or raped, but if you want to express your hatred you’ll be well covered. Maybe we could get a few hundred to cover Outrage HQ.
$15,000 Kills A Child
While thousands of police in Washington were making the world safe for ritualized racism, Chicago’s criminal justice system couldn’t muster the resources to keep a known killer in prison:
- 1993 – Edward Mitchell sentenced to six years for robbing and shooting his victim.
- 1995 – Mitchell paroled.
- 1996 (two months after being paroled) – Mitchell sentenced to 4 years for
unlawful use of a weapon.
- 1997 – Mitchell paroled
- May 1998 – Mitchell released on $15,000 bond after being charged with shooting at 3 rival gang members.
- July 1999 – Mitchell shoots an 8-year-old girl to death. Bail set at $5 million. (Hey, he could borrow the money from Debbie Lovett.)
Rumor has it that Mitchell plans to sue:
- The drug companies. (He has shortness of breath and fatigue after his shooting sprees.)
- The gun manufacturers. (After all, he couldn’t have shot anyone without the guns.)
- Boeing and Microsoft. (Jesse Jackson convinced Mitchell that all his problems are due to lack of representation at the corporate board level.)
- The DC Government. (Hey, if he had a bodyguard of 3,000 cops he wouldn’t even need to carry a gun, much less use it.)