Welcome to the first 1998 edition of The Outrage!
It’s bound to be an Outrageous year, so we’re glad you’re joining us to witness the parade of human folly, ineptitude and greed.
As the year opens we’re delighted to say that no one appears to have learned from their past mistakes. On the left, President Bill Clinton opened the year by calling for an increase in the scope of Medicare, happily ignoring the vast amount of fraud uncovered in the program last year. On the right, House Speaker Newt Gingrich renewed his calls for intensifying the war on drugs, despite evidence over the last few years that the only winners in this war have been manufacturers of semi-automatic weapons.
Internationally, Africa is once more a leader in the senseless violence department. At the northern end, Algeria got off to a fine start with the slaughter of 412 peasants by Islamic fundamentalists. Continuing the good works they say are motivated by love of God, the Armed Islamic Group has recently been busy slitting throats, beheading peasants, and smashing babies against walls.
At Africa’s southern end was busy defending his friend Winnie Mandela. Mrs. Mandela is widely believed to have kidnapped, tortured, and murdered political opponents in the 1980’s. Mr. Farrakhan is a very useful man, because he makes most political activists seem like wise sages by comparison.
The America legal system continues to show its own love of violence by repeatedly releasing known killers so they can prey on more helpless women and children. Arthur Bomar is now the prime suspect in the 1997 killing of Maria Cabuenos. Bomar had previously been convicted of murder in Las Vegas in 1978. He has also been charged with the 1996 rape and murder of Aimee Williard. He was arrested on burglary and other charges last June. But we’re sure that, deep down, he’s really a fine human being who just needs one more chance.
Someone else who won’t be serving much time in jail is Richard Devon. His car hit and killed three girls, ages 12, 11 and 12. He drove away without reporting the accident, leaving the children dying on the side of the road. In all likelihood he’ll serve 15 months in a minimum-security prison. Mr. Devon’s attorney was outraged, citing the fact that most people who kill others in hit and runs serve no time at all.
With so much outrage around us, here at The Outrage we felt compelled to do something outrageous ourselves. Hence we’ve reduced our mailing schedule to once a week while maintaining the name “Daily” Outrage. If you can’t beat em, join em. We’ll see you next week with more outrageous examples of injustice and mayhem. Happy New Year!
(Source: Philadelphia Inquirer.)
A personal apology to the lawyer representing Richard Devon, mass murderer:
Dear Sir,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for inadvertantly killing your wife and children in a vehicular homicide early this morning! Even though I sped from the scene and left them to die agonizing deaths in the road, I expect you to excuse my behavior in much the same way you excused Mr. Devon’s murders.
Having said that, I feel so much better. So much so, that I would like you to consider acting as my attorney at the upcoming trial. I can hardly wait to hear you lambast the judge if he dares give me even one day of jail time for murdering your family.
Hope you’re well as you receive this message. I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon.
P.S. Sorry I can’t make the funeral. Give my regards to any family members I might have missed…
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