In Michigan, and increasingly across the United States, politicians don’t think that minors should make too many decisions themselves. Father may not know best, but Big Brother definitely wants to make sure that Mom and Dad are constantly looking over junior’s shoulder.

Teenagers in Michigan are currently banned from getting an abortion without their parent’s consent. You may or may not agree with that prohibition, but you’d have to agree that abortions are a serious matter.

Teens are also forbidden from getting their body pierced or getting a tattoo without parental permission. Well, okay, these are fairly serious things. We guess.

Teens are forbidden from going to a tanning salon without parental permission. Hmmm….

But that’s just the beginning. Michigan lawmakers are currently considering bans on children going to a shopping mall on a weekend night without having Mom or Dad along. We can only assume that the Gap has become a center of teen terrorist activity in Michigan. Or, perhaps the overthrow of society is being planned at Banana Republic.

Parents might also be required to accompany junior to any concert which lawmakers deem “lewd.” We don’t think that the real political Outrage will come from minors–after all, they can’t vote. But when Mr. Jones, mild-mannered parent, finds out he has to accompany Alex and Alexis to the next Smashed Monkey’s Concert, we anticipate some revolutionary bursts of Outrage.

“It is as if we’ve declared war on our kids,” says state senator Jim Berryman.