“After suggesting on national television in mid-April that women should be submissive to their husbands, Ms. Reece, 43, immediately felt the backlash. Legions of social-media commentators wondered everything from how many years she had set back the women's movement to how "being a doormat is a sign of strength." It all started with a line in her book about how she behaves in her marriage to surfer Laird Hamilton: "To be truly feminine means being soft, receptive, and—look out, here it comes—submissive." Ms. Reece got her start playing professional volleyball soon after college. She began a modeling career around the same time and then went on to be a television co-host and actress. She married Mr. Hamilton in 1997, and then four years later filed for divorce. It's this event and the couple's subsequent recovery—they never went through with the divorce—that has become the basis of Ms. Reece's opinions on gender roles. For her part, she doesn't consider herself a feminist. "I'm a humanist," she says. The contrast between her physical strength and suggested "submissive" behavior is key to her philosophy. Ms. Reece says she is one woman at work and a different one at home. In class, she's in control, taking no flak from the pair of Upper East Side alpha moms who complain that her class is too hectic. "You're welcome to leave," she says matter-of-factly, before turning away with a swish of her long ponytail. "I can be as hard or gnarly as I want, but I can switch right back," she says later. It was a tough lesson to learn. Ms. Reece says that her marriage got off to a rocky start because the dynamic was wrong between her and her husband. "They say that some people want to be respected and some people want to be cherished," she says. "In my workplace, you bet I want respect, but for my partner I'm actually more interested in being cherished." She smirks, adding, "My husband does respect me, but he's not like, 'Well done today with the home—bravo, Gabrielle.' " The two ultimately worked things out when Ms. Reece spoke up about how she was feeling. She took time off to stay home with their children (they split their time between California and Hawaii) and adopted, as she calls it, a "service-oriented" role in the house. In turn, Ms. Reece doesn't want a stay-at-home husband. "If you have an alpha male going off working and doing, he's not going to be the one going to the kids' parties," she says. But Ms. Reece holds her own when it comes to other women. "With women, everything's so heavy and gushy and serious," she says. "How about we just say this is totally crazy and f— up, and anyway, having this conversation is a luxury we can have post-feminism." She would rather focus on motivating people to be fit and healthy and "accountable for making [themselves] happy." "I don't get how women think you can be the CEO and go to every soccer game and have some gnarly sex life," she says. Her thoughts return to the two women complaining at her class that morning. "You can tell those women have hassles," she says, and vows not to take it personally. "Some women just fight to fight. I fight to win." ”
