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PhoenixLast Updated : August 11, 2015

Restaurants – We should mention one rather bizarre and irritating feature of life in Phoenix, especially dining out, which is the predilection for completely useless but mandatory valet parking. You can pull into an empty parking lot with a number of spaces directly in front of you – but no, you will be required to stop, turn your key over to a valet, get a claim check, then wait to pick up your car when you return, and of course tip the valet. Valet parking may make sense when space is really at a premium and parking spaces are hard to find, but, hey, this ain’t New York, it’s Phoenix and space is not really at a premium. When we teach our course on the failures of capitalism we plan to focus mainly on baseball players’ salaries and the preponderance of mandatory valet parking in Phoenix. Help us start a revolution; don’t go to baseball games, and insist on parking your car yourself when dining out in Phoenix.

In rich Phoenix there are plenty of dining options; no, you won’t be walking to any of them, because you won’t be walking anywhere, but they are an easy drive. Phoenix is a steakhouse town. We have no idea how all these steakhouses survive; they are very expensive and terrible from a health point of view. Sure, there are plenty of rich, fat people in Phoenix, but the richest are just here a few months a year, and anyone that can afford these places leaves in the summer. Still, you can find every variety of steakhouse here and like everything else, they’re open year round.

If you want the hip, local casual option, head to The Grand Orange; parking is terrible, but otherwise you can find good casual food, as well as wine and interesting books. Other local options include The Vig and True Foods. Vincent’s is a local French bistro with good values and a strong local following.

Resorts – Most of the resorts are centered in the same general area and follow the same general pattern; they tend to be low rise and spread out over extensive grounds, often with a golf course, always with at least one pool. There will be at least one fancy restaurant and usually a more casual one. They all seem to cater to the same crowd, perhaps because Phoenix is such a homogenous place. The vast majority of visitors are affluent, white middle aged or older Americans with conventional American tastes. They come for corporate affairs, or for family vacations. If they don’t have money or any sense, they may come in the summer, when even the nicest resorts steeply discount their rates. But even the smart waiters leave town in summer to take jobs in cooler resort climes like Colorado.

Biltmore – Interesting design in the Frank Lloyd Wright vein; rooms are spread over pleasant grounds; generally the scale here is small with low rise buildings and a fun pool. Though we ‘ve been here many times we’re still not really sure what distinguishes the Biltmore from other area resorts other than the architecture. Close to Biltmore fashion park, which substantially increases dining options.

Phoenician – Charles Keating stole a bunch of money from the S&Ls before being arrested, but, hey, at least he put some of it to good use by building this monument to noveau riche ostentation. Actually, the Phoenician has beautiful grounds, some nice restaurants, and a pretty pool. It’s also in a nice central location, near fashion square. In fact, it probably has the prettiest grounds in town. There’s just nothing subtle about this place. This is the place for your friends who drive a big new flashy car.

Royal Palms – This is kind of the opposite to the Phoenician; very nice, but a more compact, low key approach. This is for your friends who drive an Audi with a few years on it. It’s so much more compact than others because there’s no golf course, unlike the Biltmore and Phoenician. The restaurant, T Cooks, is a personal favorite of mine with nice outdoor dining in front and back.

Hermosa Inn - Small hotel; resort is really too big a term for this place. However, it does have one of my favorite restaurants, Lons, which has perhaps the nicest patio for outdoor dining in all of Phoenix. Also, my favorite waiter, Skinny Nick; voted Arizona’s best waiter – literally.

Montelucia – This is the place Obama stayed when he came to Phoenix to announce his anti-foreclosure program, mainly because the hotel was in foreclosure at the time. But it’s actually quite a nice place, with one of the most beautiful and elaborately designed spas we’ve seen. Also, a very nice courtyard area to have a drink. The theme here is vaguely Moroccan, and you’ll see that in the décor and the spa design.

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